The Day Before the Great Resting

Besides the general house keeping that is always done on Sunday, preparations were in order for the incoming Nor'Easter Monday late afternoon. I cannot do most of this myself, and my husband still works, so it had to happen today. But, why did I force myself to get the housework done as well? Medical leave begins tomorrow, but I still have grades to close for students with extensions. Not like it will take the entire day. Perhaps it is because I like my routines. It is really difficult to break out of them, even new ones that are less than a year old. So why did I do it? I'm always in pain, so resting would have been wise. I'm struggling with a cough since Friday, so resting is a good idea so my body can fight the inflamation in my lungs without needing to contact my doctor and pick up yet more medication. I didn't sleep well last night due to a pain flare, so I was tired. I like my routines. There are many things scary about the possibility of being declared permanently disabled. Disability payments are not a living wage. Boredom. Feeling like I lost the fight against my illnesses. Feeling like I'm letting my children down. Letting my husband down. Not being as strong as I thought. I like my routines. I already recognize my need for routines to be a huge challenge I'm facing. I will need to create or discover new ones soon so I feel like I have some control remaining. So I feel useful.